How To Get Confidence Back: Stop Self Sabotage

In my career as a personal development trainer, I faced a painful problem that I found in some of my participants. I want to talk about self sabotage. My second surprise was the number of people affected by this problem. At the last moment, they

fail It is a constant that I find in this category of people. Often, after many efforts, sometimes associated with high motivation in the development of their project, when the last step arrives, it occurs as a form of self sabotage . The most amazing thing is to notice the many varieties of the process. For example, I observed that some could abandon their initiative or project at the last moment. However, most of the work was done upstream, so there was only a few extra efforts to succeed. Well no ! As a force that pushes her to let go, the person stops acting in the final phase. This is the syndrome "I prefer to break my toy" Another way in which this problem manifests itself is the well-known syndrome that is found in some children by breaking their favorite toy. It is enough that a situation of jealousy, as for example not to want to lend his play to a friend, so that, the child breaks his own "toy". Adults can thus reproduce this mechanism by destroying their work in the last place. What becomes confusing is sometimes the violence with which the person will self sabotage by destroying months or even years of effort. On the threshold of achieving the realization of their project, these subjects will take pleasure in completely destroying the entire building. What are the secret reasons for this self sabotage syndrome? My expertise led me to understand much better (but it took me a long time) which is the real reason of self sabotage syndrome. In reality, the cause lies in a shadowy shape of the personality. I want to talk about filiation. In other words, it is our family history that is at the root of this state of affairs. Even if we have difficulties to admit it, we maintain as a form of resistance to leave the path of our own family circle. To be clearer, it's as if we were ashamed to want to "be different" from the model of our elders. She is bedridden on job interview days More concretely, we unconsciously attach ourselves to this model which seems to us traced. I remember that young woman who had an obvious talent for business. Now, every time, at the last moment, to come to a commercial post, either arrived late by making a mistake on the road, or else had a feverish spurt on the day of the interview, to the point of nailing her to bed. In dialogue with her, she revealed to me that the saleswoman's job had been very badly perceived in her parental circle. This job was almost considered a shame in the family. However, this woman, I remember, possessed an immense commercial talent. Nothing was doing there. As soon as the day of the interview arrived, there was always an event that sabotaged his initiative . How to get out of this infernal circle of self sabotage It would be too long to develop here in a single article the subject. The different solutions, both the protocols to break free from this infernal circle of self sabotage deserve a serious and more thorough approach. Nevertheless, the bases of change find their basis in: - Awareness of this problem: (ask the question, if we ourselves did not fall unconsciously into this trap of self sabotage) - The desire to emancipate : (by vigorously agreeing to no longer model family beliefs and behaviors) - The acceptance of oneself : (which means to want to discover who one is really by going to the discovery of our true hidden talents and to want to put them forward) Symptoms of low self-esteem. No one is safe from low self-esteem. However, it is necessary to differentiate the feelings due to low self esteem from those of sadness, or cumulative effects of several bad days. There are some symptoms of low self-esteem that you may recognize if you suspect that one of your loved ones may be suffering from this condition. First, it is important to realize that sadness or the feeling of not waking up on the right side of the bed in the morning is not evidence of low self-esteem. This is because psychologists often associate self-esteem with a self-concept that persists over time . This indelible image can become embedded in all of a person's activities, since it is the basis of this person's conception of his or her own worth. One of the first symptoms is self-deprecation . You may find that a person with low self-esteem will easily say negative things about themselves, until they pass comments of the kind that they are not worthy of the efforts or time that others give them . They will also talk about their inability to fulfill their task. 11 addition to being devalued, people who suffer from low self-esteem are constantly expressing their distress at their body image and their pace. This negative perception is one of the most concrete signs of low self-esteem. They may seem constantly paranoid and sensitive to the impression of others in the face of their image. The worst: some people can compensate for the effects of this bad self-image by suffering from some form of eating disorder. People who suffer from low self-esteem may be obsessed with order , striving to meet an impossible standard of perfection by performing any of their tasks. This leads them to work slower than others, and may make them more vulnerable to impressions of not being up to the job because of their own impossible expectations. This feeling of failure (despite the fact that they have not failed in their task, but rather their own impossible and perfectionist standards) contributes to fueling their misperception of their own value. Some may also be very inclined to please , becoming very dependent on the approval of others to feel valued. They feel no pleasure in completing and achieving goals unless their efforts are recognized by people they respect. They will also be very inclined to compare themselves to others of whom they have a very high opinion. However, it is important to note that at home this form of comparison serves to fill the essential need to emphasize their shortcomings and weaknesses. While there are those who move away from society because of their low self-esteem, there are also those who respond with undisguised rage against themselves or others. They will display it either by hurting themselves or by wounding those around them, even if they are not the ones who trigger those feelings of rage. At the end of the day, it is low self-esteem that causes them to hate and hate those around them. They will also be more likely to be angry about minor details when they feel like they have been caught or humiliated. By identifying the symptoms of low self-esteem, you will be able to determine what are the best steps to follow to respond appropriately. If your situation or that of a loved one is akin to any of these symptoms, it may be helpful to seek help from a psychologist or therapist. How many goals have you set yourself, then abandoned? How is it so difficult to change, to transform one's life? Of course, we can identify several causes or resistances to change. However, low self-esteem will provide you with the most interesting explanations associated with the dissatisfaction you feel about your life. Manifestations of low self-esteem Low self-esteem means that a person feels constantly dissatisfied with their life. In a rather pessimistic mood, she tends to feel guilty rather than empowered. She experiences a lot of emotional distress in the face of failure, accompanied by feelings of shame and humiliation. Also, it anticipates the end of course and fears the difficulties to come. Perceives life as a series of trials and refrains from rejoicing too much so as not to feel unhappy afterwards. Even when things are going well, she worries. It devalues ​​or overvalues ​​excessively. His indecision is very present, as is his mistrust and his doubting of everything. His state of dissatisfaction seems permanent, as is his difficulty in acting. She experiences a lot of stress in the face of hardship, in the face of the unknown, in the face of others and even in the face of success. She has difficulty loving and loving others. Finally, placing too much emphasis on the opinions and evaluation of others, she is highly vulnerable to criticism. A typically Western trait At a meeting of neuroscientists with the Dalai Lama, one of the psychologists raised the widespread problem of low self-esteem. To everyone's surprise, this concept was totally new for the Dalai Lama. No term can translate it into Tibetan. Following explanations, the Dalai Lama could not understand that Westerners were engaged in an internal dialogue fed by self-criticism and self-denigration. It seems, therefore, that this attitude, harmful to our happiness, is peculiar to our culture. This reminded me of what an anthropologist told me one day during a discussion about the pervasiveness of violence in some countries: "In the West, the expression of violence differs, it is found rather in through a variety of behaviors and attitudes directed against oneself. " Self-love: at the base of low self-esteem Self-esteem is based on three elements: self-love, self-image and self-confidence. The most fundamental of the three is self-love. Like a crystal vase, it is the container that allows the other two elements to come out, to reveal themselves. For many, loving each other is meaningless, as the ability to do so has not been developed. Critically oriented relationships dominated their environment. But self-love develops, learns. And it's about how I can accept myself unconditionally as a person. By giving me value I accept each of my qualities as well as each of my faults, without conditions. Like all unconditional love, it does not rely on my performance, achievements or failures. It's a free, generous love without calculation or expectations. Thanks to him, I am assured of a protection against the difficult moments which allows me to rebound after a failure. For self-love, it is essential to transform any self-critical judgment against oneself or against others. It is unthinkable to love oneself by generating any denigrating speech. Just as it is impossible to see one's life transformed if I can not feel compassion for myself, accept myself as I am and forgive myself. To lack love for oneself generates depressive moods. esteem Self-image It's the look I'm taking on myself. Sometimes it's an unfounded image that you deeply believe in. Whatever that belief is, the self-image is a belief, true or false, in the face of our value, our potential, our limits. Usually, our experiences of personal and professional life lead us to make a persona, that is to say a social mask, a kind of identity used to identify us in the eyes of others. It sometimes happens that this mask exceeds its social utility. This is the case when we adopt it as our own identity, no longer having access to what we really are. The self-image is then tinged with this fictitious mask, engendering with it subjective convictions. Sometimes, confronting this image with that of someone I trust, The Strengths and Limitations Toolkit is an introspective guide to starting a coaching process aimed at improving self-esteem. Self-confidence It is the visible ingredient, because it is based on my behaviors, my actions. To have confidence in oneself is to know oneself. It's believing in one's potential and abilities. It is acquired through a feeling of inner security, an affirmation of one's needs, the development of skills and from feedbacks from one's environment. The more you are afraid to take action, the less you develop your self-confidence. The less we develop, the less we have the ability to take action. This endless loop generates a lot of anxiety. Perseverance in the pursuit of one's goals, despite failures or pitfalls, is an attitude conducive to the development of self-confidence. Inevitably, giving up on goals is directly harmful and affects low self-esteem. Build on your strengths Self-esteem varies, develops differently depending on our personal history, professional experiences, family background from which we come. Also, according to our culture, the environment in which we evolve, the people on our way. If you want to develop your self-esteem without spending years, invest in your strengths. You will have a lot more success, fun, and access to a better sense of self-efficacy and self-esteem. By giving you the right to reveal them in broad daylight in order to benefit the greatest number of people, you will have transformed your life, and probably that of many people around you. Affirmations for self confidence "Self confidence affirmations" These sentences are powerful. They help to gain and transmit self-confidence. Self affirmation "I have the right to be different. " "I have the right to be me and to exist. " "I have the right to have personal taste. " "I have the right to be angry. " "I have the right to be sad / happy." "I have the right to be scared. " "I have the right to have desires and desires. " "I have the right to have my own ideas. " "I have the right not to think like everyone else. " "I have the right to listen to my heart." "I choose to do what I love" Confidence in his skills " I'm capable. " " I can do it. " "I have the resources in me to succeed. " "I have the right to fail. " "It's important to be wrong to learn. " "The more I practice, the more competent I will be. " "I have the right not to be perfect. " "I have the right to make mistakes. " "I have the right to fail and get up. That's how I learned to walk. " "I can try as many times as I want." "I have potential in me that I do not know yet. " "I give myself permission to succeed." "I learn every day and I grow up." "I have the right to advance step by step. " "I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I use one and work with others with confidence. " Relational trust "I can go to others. " "Everyone shares the same emotions and the same needs. " "I'm entitled to my place. " "I am useful by my mere presence. " "I have as much value as others. All human life has value. " "I participate in humanity. " "I have the right to express myself and I can do it without violence or accusation. " "I have the right to ask, to give, to receive, to refuse. " "I have the right to trust. " "I give myself permission to belong to a group." 40 Positive Affirmations For Self-Confidence How to have more self-confidence with positive affirmations? Without knowing it, we all have in ourselves - and to varying degrees - limiting thoughts that are the main cause of our lack of self-confidence. The blockage occurs without our being aware of it. That is to say that we have in our subconscious negative thoughts about ourselves. For example : "I 'm not enough ..." "I do not deserve ..." " I am afraid of… " "I'm worth less than ..." "I can not because ..." " I'm not ready yet… " "I 'm out of luck ..." "It's hard to ..." " I will never make it… " "I do not have the strength to ..." Etc. Fortunately, are "positive affirmations" are there for us to change our thoughts. And as you can imagine, if we turn our thoughts of doubt into positive thoughts of self-confidence , then our life changes dramatically. The most incredible thing is that it's as easy to provoke thoughts and positive emotions in your mind as to have negative thoughts or emotions. People who develop great self-confidence are proof that the mind can be programmed to have a strong sense of self-confidence. Let me explain how it works ... 40 Positive Affirmations for Self-Confidence Positive Affirmations of Self Confidence . 40 Positive Affirmations that Restore Self-Confidence The affirmations are a powerful way to use his mind to get more confidence. Here are some forty powerful positive affirmations that have been selected to give you that confidence. To integrate them into your subconscious, you have to repeat them at the times of the day when your subconscious is the easiest to reach, that is to say in the morning on waking and in the evening before falling asleep . Affirm them with a strong intention and take care to always visualize the trust in you through these positive affirmations. Always affirm them in the present and act as if you were already confident. . The list of 40 Positive Affirmations Self Confidence I have confidence in myself I am now sure of myself I feel confident about the idea of ​​success From day to day, I am more and more confident I am sure to reach my goal I want to be a noble example I believe in my value I have the strength to realize my dreams I am really adorable I dare to try and I'm proud of it I choose to really love myself I love myself and accept myself completely I am ready to try new things There are things I can already do, I just need to start even though I'm not ready yet I am much more capable than I think As I love myself, I allow others to love me too ... I accumulate more and more confidence in myself I am unique and perfect as I am I am wonderful I am proud of all that I have accomplished I do not have to be perfect, I just need to be myself I feel able to succeed I give myself permission to go out of my role as a victim and take more responsibility for my life The past is over, I now have control of my life and I move I am my best friend I am able to say "no" without fear of displeasing I choose to clean myself of my fears and my doubts Fear is a simple emotion that can not stop me from succeeding Every step forward I make increases my strength My hesitations give way to victory I want to do it, I can do it I am capable of great things There is no one more important than me I may be wrong but that I can handle it With confidence, I can accomplish everything I allow myself to have a lot of fun I deserve to be seen, heard and shine I deserve love and respect I choose to believe in myself I allow myself to feel good about myself and trust myself To reach a high level of self-confidence, the key is to repeat these positive affirmations often . One positive affirmation can already be enough to positively engage your mind and make you feel more confident. . Now you have something more powerful to discover! In our life, at some point, following a traumatic and devaluing event in our eyes, we can lose all confidence in ourselves and in our abilities. I'm capable For example, following an emotional or professional failure, following a breakup, the loss of a job, or following various failures that are repeated. In all these cases, we interpret what happens with guilt and with a feeling of worthlessness. Suddenly, this event makes us completely forget all our abilities and we have a feeling of helplessness, incapacity, devaluation. If this is repeated many times in our life without ever correcting these false feelings, we will evolve towards a deep depreciation and a total loss of confidence in us and our capacities. Although we are very capable , such events can give us the subjective feeling that we are "nil", that we are worthless, that we are not capable. So how can we regain our confidence in ourselves and in our abilities? 1) Dedramatize and, above all, undo the emotional bond , that is, remove the trauma and transform or dissolve all the negative emotions associated with the source event that made us lose confidence. For this there are many techniques. Personally, the one I use constantly for this is the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). See here what is EFT: EFT training (EFT can be learned in a weekend to use it alone at home autonomously!) Through dialogue, the emotional expression of the person's experience and the treatment of negative emotions by the EFT, we get to dramatize and especially to make the event lose its emotional impact because of our patient's disorder . When the event no longer troubles the person, this is a first big step. 2) Perform valuation work . This is done through written exercises and visualization to raise the self-esteem of the person . See for this my free coaching where I teach that. 3) Ask the person to revisit all his past successes by writing down them in detail. 4) Reactivate the resources of the person , including a session of Sophrology, hypnosis or positive visualization relaxation to bring him to relive with emotion one or more past successes , and regain consciousness of his skills and qualities . 5) Repeat this type of session until the person regains a good sense of herself and her value (anchoring). It is also to teach him to project himself into the future with his skills : if it has already had success in the past, it can of course reproduce it in the future ... self-confidence Application for you : What if you do not have a therapist on hand and want to regain your confidence ? Simply based on the previous path (and register for my free coaching that will help you in this direction): 1) Talk to your closest and most supportive friends to share your feelings of worthlessness and distress . Talking about it will do you good and can bring down emotional intensity. This will also allow you to relativize . To break down the emotional intensity you can also write all your story and all that you feel then destroy this document by burning it for example. 2) develop a better self-esteem , a better feeling towards you (use the coaching that I propose). 3) write on a notebook your resources, your abilities, your skills, your qualities, all your successes . Review your notes every day and complete them . Remember all your successes. 4) learn to relax (see coaching or the article on relaxation or this page: free relaxations ) and in a state of relaxation, relive as if you were , all your positive moments of success in this or that area, and imagine your future successes ... Repeat this until you have a good feeling for yourself and have more confidence in yourself, until you are sure of your next success. To regain self-confidence is to break down emotional intensity, to remember our good moments, our personal successes, our skills, and it is to cultivate this valorization all the time (repetition). It is also to project positively in the future with our skills, with our success! Other keys : you can also remember the positive periods of your life, remember what state you were when you were sure of yourself, remember all the compliments and encouragements, adopt a positive attitude everyday (see course on the power of thought ), having goals and projects that motivate you and give you hope ... You already have all the necessary resources in you to regain confidence and success! Master of your life Rechercher … Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! self sabotageSelf-sabotage: Do you sometimes feel like your worst enemy? On what occasions are you, and why? And especially what solution is offered to us! Self-sabotage is the set of behaviors, habits and attitudes that a person possesses, which prevents him from having the life to which he aspires . These behaviors hurt him. They are more or less conscious and weigh heavily when it comes to finding our happiness and our freedom to be, to love, to have healthy relationships with ourselves and with others. The self saboteur is like an internal virus : it creates chaos, misinformation, lack of clarity, distrust, lack of confidence in ourselves. One of its most important symptoms is that it prevents us from completing the decisions we have made: This is the case, for example, of a smoker who is stopping smoking: he knows that the cigarette is harmful to him: it makes him feel , he takes his breath away. So he decided to stop. But a few hours only for some, a few days for others, a voice whispers in his ear: "You can not do it" "It's too hard" "This is not the moment", " and how to evacuate your stress? " T e smokers wanting to stop I asked about this were unanimous. But understand that this voice is not us: it is that of our chief SABOTEUR . He grafted into us, and we welcomed him, fed him. He manipulates us, gives us very logical and elaborate reasoning to get away from our realization, because he is still working against us. He plays with our emotions. What is his most formidable weapon? The FEAR , especially that of change. The saboteur is a creation of our EGO , because it fears change, causing significant suffering as a result of the changes, because they jeopardize our certainties and our way of life. Our saboteur also uses other toxic emotions such as: guilt, doubt, inaction or on the contrary overactivity, judgment, criticism, anger, violence, struggle, shame, addictions, confinement ... It feeds on the fears of rejection, abandonment, suffering, not being loved, being denied, failure, success ... and many others. Master of your life Rechercher … Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! self sabotageSelf-sabotage: Do you sometimes feel like your worst enemy? On what occasions are you, and why? And especially what solution is offered to us! Self-sabotage is the set of behaviors, habits and attitudes that a person possesses, which prevents him from having the life to which he aspires . These behaviors hurt him. They are more or less conscious and weigh heavily when it comes to finding our happiness and our freedom to be, to love, to have healthy relationships with ourselves and with others. The self saboteur is like an internal virus : it creates chaos, misinformation, lack of clarity, distrust, lack of confidence in ourselves. One of its most important symptoms is that it prevents us from completing the decisions we have made: This is the case, for example, of a smoker who is stopping smoking: he knows that the cigarette is harmful to him: it makes him feel , he takes his breath away. So he decided to stop. But a few hours only for some, a few days for others, a voice whispers in his ear: "You can not do it" "It's too hard" "This is not the moment", " and how to evacuate your stress? " T e smokers wanting to stop I asked about this were unanimous. But understand that this voice is not us: it is that of our chief SABOTEUR . He grafted into us, and we welcomed him, fed him. He manipulates us, gives us very logical and elaborate reasoning to get away from our realization, because he is still working against us. He plays with our emotions. What is his most formidable weapon? The FEAR , especially that of change. The saboteur is a creation of our EGO , because it fears change, causing significant suffering as a result of the changes, because they jeopardize our certainties and our way of life. Our saboteur also uses other toxic emotions such as: guilt, doubt, inaction or on the contrary overactivity, judgment, criticism, anger, violence, struggle, shame, addictions, confinement ... It feeds on the fears of rejection, abandonment, suffering, not being loved, being denied, failure, success ... and many others. self sabotageTHE ORIGIN of the AUTO-SABOTAGE: Like wounds, systems of self sabotage are created from my point of view, from birth . They sometimes find their origin even before, as is the case with the rejection wound. This can be initiated from conception, as in the example of an unwanted child. A rejected person will develop a self saboteur in relation to his injury, with as a characteristic, the confinement on oneself. He becomes a lonely individual who is afraid of others, and lives in flight. I met this type of rejected person, in life as in my internships: the desire was there to go to others, to have relationships. But in the face of them, either they resort to flight, or they do not engage in the relationship. Above all they unconsciously create situations where commitment is impossible, such as getting married. This is the typical demonstration of the self saboteur, in relation to the wound of rejection. But the self saboteur is also the result of negative and devaluing negative messages, sometimes heard repeatedly, in childhood and adolescence, such as: "You can not do it" "This child is going to end badly" "You are useless" "You're mean" "You will never have anything" "You are dirty, stupid, silly, selfish, rude, capricious ..." "We can not trust men" "The only thing women want is money" "Sex outside marriage is a sin" or any phrase that has been used to destroy, reduce our confidence, our value, our vision of ourselves or the world around us. AUTO-SABOTAGE and CHANTAGES If you do not stop crying, we leave the park! If you do not eat everything ... (by the way, children who are forced to eat, then use food as a control method, they eat little or a lot, that's part of their system of self sabotage. They make repeated diets that they can not keep. Labels, nicknames, injunctions, authoritarianisms, criticisms, humiliations, punishments, sexual abuse ... experienced during childhood, on the part of trusted and loved people, like our parents, grandparents, siblings , educators, condition the appearance of self saboteurs. In this way we develop a series of orders, rules, self-censorship, judgments, prohibitions, imposed on ourselves and others, which take us on a path of suffering. They move us away from our true nature (happiness, joy, love) The system of self sabotage, has become our defense, attack, in response to moments of crises, stress. It lies in our archaic neurological system, housed in our reptilian brain. It is our instinctive reaction to flee in case of attack, retreat, struggle. At times, these reactions may be necessary. Except that we behave in the same way in different situations (in danger of our couple for example) and we make an experience a generality. Let us take the example of a child who feels overwhelmed by his mother: he develops an evasive behavior, which will allow him to support the maternal prison. The fact is that he will establish a triangular relation mother = woman = invasion. And every time he gets in touch with a woman, his self saboteur will make him run to survive. Master of your life Rechercher … Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! self sabotageSelf-sabotage: Do you sometimes feel like your worst enemy? On what occasions are you, and why? And especially what solution is offered to us! Self-sabotage is the set of behaviors, habits and attitudes that a person possesses, which prevents him from having the life to which he aspires . These behaviors hurt him. They are more or less conscious and weigh heavily when it comes to finding our happiness and our freedom to be, to love, to have healthy relationships with ourselves and with others. The self saboteur is like an internal virus : it creates chaos, misinformation, lack of clarity, distrust, lack of confidence in ourselves. One of its most important symptoms is that it prevents us from completing the decisions we have made: This is the case, for example, of a smoker who is stopping smoking: he knows that the cigarette is harmful to him: it makes him feel , he takes his breath away. So he decided to stop. But a few hours only for some, a few days for others, a voice whispers in his ear: "You can not do it" "It's too hard" "This is not the moment", " and how to evacuate your stress? " T e smokers wanting to stop I asked about this were unanimous. But understand that this voice is not us: it is that of our chief SABOTEUR . He grafted into us, and we welcomed him, fed him. He manipulates us, gives us very logical and elaborate reasoning to get away from our realization, because he is still working against us. He plays with our emotions. What is his most formidable weapon? The FEAR , especially that of change. The saboteur is a creation of our EGO , because it fears change, causing significant suffering as a result of the changes, because they jeopardize our certainties and our way of life. Our saboteur also uses other toxic emotions such as: guilt, doubt, inaction or on the contrary overactivity, judgment, criticism, anger, violence, struggle, shame, addictions, confinement ... It feeds on the fears of rejection, abandonment, suffering, not being loved, being denied, failure, success ... and many others. self sabotageTHE ORIGIN of the AUTO-SABOTAGE: Like wounds, systems of self sabotage are created from my point of view, from birth . They sometimes find their origin even before, as is the case with the rejection wound. This can be initiated from conception, as in the example of an unwanted child. A rejected person will develop a self saboteur in relation to his injury, with as a characteristic, the confinement on oneself. He becomes a lonely individual who is afraid of others, and lives in flight. I met this type of rejected person, in life as in my internships: the desire was there to go to others, to have relationships. But in the face of them, either they resort to flight, or they do not engage in the relationship. Above all they unconsciously create situations where commitment is impossible, such as getting married. This is the typical demonstration of the self saboteur, in relation to the wound of rejection. But the self saboteur is also the result of negative and devaluing negative messages, sometimes heard repeatedly, in childhood and adolescence, such as: "You can not do it" "This child is going to end badly" "You are useless" "You're mean" "You will never have anything" "You are dirty, stupid, silly, selfish, rude, capricious ..." "We can not trust men" "The only thing women want is money" "Sex outside marriage is a sin" or any phrase that has been used to destroy, reduce our confidence, our value, our vision of ourselves or the world around us. AUTO-SABOTAGE and CHANTAGES If you do not stop crying, we leave the park! If you do not eat everything ... (by the way, children who are forced to eat, then use food as a control method, they eat little or a lot, that's part of their system of self sabotage. They make repeated diets that they can not keep. Labels, nicknames, injunctions, authoritarianisms, criticisms, humiliations, punishments, sexual abuse ... experienced during childhood, on the part of trusted and loved people, like our parents, grandparents, siblings , educators, condition the appearance of self saboteurs. In this way we develop a series of orders, rules, self-censorship, judgments, prohibitions, imposed on ourselves and others, which take us on a path of suffering. They move us away from our true nature (happiness, joy, love) The system of self sabotage, has become our defense, attack, in response to moments of crises, stress. It lies in our archaic neurological system, housed in our reptilian brain. It is our instinctive reaction to flee in case of attack, retreat, struggle. At times, these reactions may be necessary. Except that we behave in the same way in different situations (in danger of our couple for example) and we make an experience a generality. Let us take the example of a child who feels overwhelmed by his mother: he develops an evasive behavior, which will allow him to support the maternal prison. The fact is that he will establish a triangular relation mother = woman = invasion. And every time he gets in touch with a woman, his self saboteur will make him run to survive. self sabotage TYPES OF SABOTEURS The analysis of the self saboteurs, led me to the following conclusion: there are several types of saboteurs according to the situations: VICTIM: she is afraid of everything. She cries easily and seeks the attention of others. She feels small, fragile, the world is dangerous for her. THE REJECTED: he is afraid of people. He defends his vital space, feels quickly invaded, does not engage. It's very common in men THE ABANDONED: fearful, he is afraid of not being loved, he is dependent, It is very common among women, but not only EXPERT: He is the voice of experience. He knows everything, his arguments full of common sense are hard to beat. THE JUDGE Guilty. THE TEEN: still in rebellion THE RADIN: he does not like to spend, especially for the useless. It does not support a pleasure expense: a restaurant for example. THE FATHER: he criticizes, gives lessons, advice. THE POLICEMAN: He observes us and punishes us when we act outside our law. THE CUREE or THE NUNE: he or she does not like free and happy sexuality. She gives shame, and can punish us with a pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease see impotence or frigidity. An infinity of characters exist in us, depending on the situation. Here is a personal anecdote. It concerns one of my own characters: I am a particularly determined and determined woman, I am assertive. And when I started studying my "self sabotage systems" I realized that my own characteristics like the ones I just mentioned. Concern this character that I named "Super Woman". When she takes control, I live totally in action. My part yang spring, I deny my femininity, I control everything, I know everything, I'm multi spots. When I put on my Super Woman costume, I can, without any problem, make one hand eat, while I'm carrying my youngest son on the other, a phone on the shoulder for a professional discussion. I am an octopus, I could say extraordinary and in fact I am! Except that this behavior turns against me, by which I am also, easily impatient, authoritarian, I speak in a harsh voice even to my children, I can not stand the error. Worse I am a man under a woman's blanket. This character played me incredible tricks, with my children, my couples, my colleagues. Last year, I did a huge job with him. He had such power that when I partially "unplugged" him, I spent almost 6 months in inaction, in the passive feminine. I was a little lost, I took my time, I knew that the balance would be uncomfortable, but necessary. A new version of me has emerged from the depths of my identity, SuperWoman is not totally "out of order" it was repairing from time to time. I observe it, it calms it, a relearning is necessary. What to do if you self sabotage. Master of your life Rechercher … Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! Are you your worst enemy? Free yourself from Auto Sabotage! self sabotageSelf-sabotage: Do you sometimes feel like your worst enemy? On what occasions are you, and why? And especially what solution is offered to us! Self-sabotage is the set of behaviors, habits and attitudes that a person possesses, which prevents him from having the life to which he aspires . These behaviors hurt him. They are more or less conscious and weigh heavily when it comes to finding our happiness and our freedom to be, to love, to have healthy relationships with ourselves and with others. The self saboteur is like an internal virus : it creates chaos, misinformation, lack of clarity, distrust, lack of confidence in ourselves. One of its most important symptoms is that it prevents us from completing the decisions we have made: This is the case, for example, of a smoker who is stopping smoking: he knows that the cigarette is harmful to him: it makes him feel , he takes his breath away. So he decided to stop. But a few hours only for some, a few days for others, a voice whispers in his ear: "You can not do it" "It's too hard" "This is not the moment", " and how to evacuate your stress? " T e smokers wanting to stop I asked about this were unanimous. But understand that this voice is not us: it is that of our chief SABOTEUR . He grafted into us, and we welcomed him, fed him. He manipulates us, gives us very logical and elaborate reasoning to get away from our realization, because he is still working against us. He plays with our emotions. What is his most formidable weapon? The FEAR , especially that of change. The saboteur is a creation of our EGO , because it fears change, causing significant suffering as a result of the changes, because they jeopardize our certainties and our way of life. Our saboteur also uses other toxic emotions such as: guilt, doubt, inaction or on the contrary overactivity, judgment, criticism, anger, violence, struggle, shame, addictions, confinement ... It feeds on the fears of rejection, abandonment, suffering, not being loved, being denied, failure, success ... and many others. self sabotageTHE ORIGIN of the AUTO-SABOTAGE: Like wounds, systems of self sabotage are created from my point of view, from birth . They sometimes find their origin even before, as is the case with the rejection wound. This can be initiated from conception, as in the example of an unwanted child. A rejected person will develop a self saboteur in relation to his injury, with as a characteristic, the confinement on oneself. He becomes a lonely individual who is afraid of others, and lives in flight. I met this type of rejected person, in life as in my internships: the desire was there to go to others, to have relationships. But in the face of them, either they resort to flight, or they do not engage in the relationship. Above all they unconsciously create situations where commitment is impossible, such as getting married. This is the typical demonstration of the self saboteur, in relation to the wound of rejection. But the self saboteur is also the result of negative and devaluing negative messages, sometimes heard repeatedly, in childhood and adolescence, such as: "You can not do it" "This child is going to end badly" "You are useless" "You're mean" "You will never have anything" "You are dirty, stupid, silly, selfish, rude, capricious ..." "We can not trust men" "The only thing women want is money" "Sex outside marriage is a sin" or any phrase that has been used to destroy, reduce our confidence, our value, our vision of ourselves or the world around us. AUTO-SABOTAGE and CHANTAGES If you do not stop crying, we leave the park! If you do not eat everything ... (by the way, children who are forced to eat, then use food as a control method, they eat little or a lot, that's part of their system of self sabotage. They make repeated diets that they can not keep. Labels, nicknames, injunctions, authoritarianisms, criticisms, humiliations, punishments, sexual abuse ... experienced during childhood, on the part of trusted and loved people, like our parents, grandparents, siblings , educators, condition the appearance of self saboteurs. In this way we develop a series of orders, rules, self-censorship, judgments, prohibitions, imposed on ourselves and others, which take us on a path of suffering. They move us away from our true nature (happiness, joy, love) The system of self sabotage, has become our defense, attack, in response to moments of crises, stress. It lies in our archaic neurological system, housed in our reptilian brain. It is our instinctive reaction to flee in case of attack, retreat, struggle. At times, these reactions may be necessary. Except that we behave in the same way in different situations (in danger of our couple for example) and we make an experience a generality. Let us take the example of a child who feels overwhelmed by his mother: he develops an evasive behavior, which will allow him to support the maternal prison. The fact is that he will establish a triangular relation mother = woman = invasion. And every time he gets in touch with a woman, his self saboteur will make him run to survive. self sabotage TYPES OF SABOTEURS The analysis of the self saboteurs, led me to the following conclusion: there are several types of saboteurs according to the situations: VICTIM: she is afraid of everything. She cries easily and seeks the attention of others. She feels small, fragile, the world is dangerous for her. THE REJECTED: he is afraid of people. He defends his vital space, feels quickly invaded, does not engage. It's very common in men THE ABANDONED: fearful, he is afraid of not being loved, he is dependent, It is very common among women, but not only EXPERT: He is the voice of experience. He knows everything, his arguments full of common sense are hard to beat. THE JUDGE Guilty. THE TEEN: still in rebellion THE RADIN: he does not like to spend, especially for the useless. It does not support a pleasure expense: a restaurant for example. THE FATHER: he criticizes, gives lessons, advice. THE POLICEMAN: He observes us and punishes us when we act outside our law. THE CUREE or THE NUNE: he or she does not like free and happy sexuality. She gives shame, and can punish us with a pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease see impotence or frigidity. An infinity of characters exist in us, depending on the situation. Here is a personal anecdote. It concerns one of my own characters: I am a particularly determined and determined woman, I am assertive. And when I started studying my "self sabotage systems" I realized that my own characteristics like the ones I just mentioned. Concern this character that I named "Super Woman". When she takes control, I live totally in action. My part yang spring, I deny my femininity, I control everything, I know everything, I'm multi spots. When I put on my Super Woman costume, I can, without any problem, make one hand eat, while I'm carrying my youngest son on the other, a phone on the shoulder for a professional discussion. I am an octopus, I could say extraordinary and in fact I am! Except that this behavior turns against me, by which I am also, easily impatient, authoritarian, I speak in a harsh voice even to my children, I can not stand the error. Worse I am a man under a woman's blanket. This character played me incredible tricks, with my children, my couples, my colleagues. Last year, I did a huge job with him. He had such power that when I partially "unplugged" him, I spent almost 6 months in inaction, in the passive feminine. I was a little lost, I took my time, I knew that the balance would be uncomfortable, but necessary. A new version of me has emerged from the depths of my identity, SuperWoman is not totally "out of order" it was repairing from time to time. I observe it, it calms it, a relearning is necessary. self sabotage WHAT TO DO IF YOU SELF-SABS Even if the self saboteurs have become passengers who want to drive, once they have a function, they represent gaps (love, attention, respect, communication ...) And it is very important to decode the message who hides behind their appearance. By listening to it, they will diminish and eventually disappear. Because it's their goal, to show us our unworked parts left in the shadows. An interesting exercise is: 1.- To identify an Auto Saboteur, ABANDONNE, for example. 2.- Determine its function, and its need (looking for love, connection) 3.- Understand: it's a part of me that lacked love at that time, 4.- Satisfying with a creative solution, in principle seeking love in others will lead us to suffering without fail, an abandoned person, can connect to the infinite love that sprung up inside her. If we have missed love, we can spend our existence looking outside what we already have in it. There are also small transitional actions "such as adopting an animal, self love, massages, giving us gifts, which can relax the situation, Although, I repeat, the issue lies in the contact of our injured child to give him, as a responsible adult, the care and love he asks for. I have already seen spectacular healings with this little exercise. Thereafter, there are therapies, very effective to cure this type of conduct, for example: Work on the wounds of the soul, false beliefs, the release of the negative ego and the addition to a new law of Life , EMDR, EFT, NLP, Hypnoses. The most direct work against all these types of sub-personalities is to work on our identity using for example these 3 questions, Who am I? Who do I think I am? And who do I decide to be? This is a very important part of the workshops I lead: the de-identification. We created the self saboteur, we fed it, it became a kind of parasite. Except he has no life of his own, and he depends on us. Who are we really? BEING is unlimited, powerful, beautiful, it already contains everything, it is already all that we aspire to be, and if you have the impression that it is complicated: no, it is not. We can choose to act from our self sabotaging behaviors or our true being, it is only our DECISION.